I am not the kind of woman who travels to England to stalk Jane Austen’s past.
Methinks the lady doth protest too much.
“You wrong me,”I say dramatically.
My tolerance of tours is limited these days. If I finally get to Bath, the scene of Persuasion and at least one of Austen’s homes, I will trail after the tour guides in their Regency gowns, bonnets, and ballet slippers, impressed by the depth of their knowledge. But I am not one of those 90-minute tourists. I leave after 30 minutes, maybe 45 if I am fascinated.
It is tea time.
The guides never sit down.
TOUR GUIDE OATH: I pledge to wear a Regency gown and bonnet which shall be provided by the costume department of the museum. I pledge to deliver the lecture exactly as written in the script...
A tough job, but perhaps fun.
Jane Austen Shopping Do’s and Don’t’s
Here are suggestions as to what to buy and what not in Bath. We all want different things, I realize.
1. A bonnet. Pray, pray, pray, don’t buy a bonnet. There is nowhere to wear a bonnet. It would look suspicious on a plane, wouldn’t it? They would X-ray the bonnet. They would find your lost Jane Austen cameo in the bonnet. They would x-ray it, too. They would find it suspicious.
A bonnet would have been out of place even in my Catholic girlhood, when women had to wear hats to mass. We wore mantillas, never, never the bonnet.
2. A Jane Austen notebook. .I admit I HAVE a Jane Austen notebook. It is a blue flex-plastic bound notebook with a saying from Emma on the cover, “You must be the best judge of your own happiness.” When I open the cover of “A Novel journal,” as the manufacturer calls it, it freaks me out a bit because the tiny pink lines actually consist of letters that make up the miniature, presumably abridged text of Emma.
There are countless Austen notebooks and journals. And they are all so pretty, don’t you think?
3. Jane Austen stationery. I am not the kind of girl who buys Jane Austen stationery. I love stationery, but no one writes letters anymore. I would resurrect the custom if I could find out what happened to Pam, my Australian penpal in third grade. But, alas, I don’t remember her last name or address.
I do miss the age of letters. Today it is all phones, social media, and (in my case) imaginary texting. “I’ll text you,” I say, holding up a hairbrush and punching imaginary buttons on the handle. They think I’m joking…until they try to text me…
5. Yes to all Jane Austen books! You can always use a new copy of Pride and Prejudice or a history of Bath.