
One day in the 1990s a free AOL disc arrived in the mail. I did not have the faintest idea what it was. I did not understand what “online” and “world wide web” meant, either.
Several friends urged me to try it. And suddenly I was part of the AOL community. Lo and behold! bibliophiles wrote about trying to persuade bookstore clerks to sell them the latest Diana Gabaldon before the publication date. On another occasion, an online friend agonized over whether to buy a limited illustrated edition of David Copperfield.

I felt more “connected” online, as I literally was. And years later I discovered book blogs, Dickens discussion groups, the Goodreads Challenge, Netgalley, and many bookish sites.

But not everything is jolly online. There are the dicey dating apps. Friends and acquaintances have reported disappointment. There seems to be a loneliness industry online. The app basically arranges a blind date with a stranger, only none of your friends know him or her or can vouch for him or her.
Pop culture has normalized dating apps. (I am married, so it doesn’t concern me.) But on TV sitcoms gorgeous actors and actresses sit on barstools (never in booths) and scroll through dating site responses until they find an attractive man. (No nerds need apply.) So then they meet at the bar and have quick sex in the grimy restroom. Or if they take the stranger home, they kick him or her out before dawn. It’s very cold. Does life influence sitcoms, or do sitcoms influence life? And being practical, I wonder about the incidence of STDs. Does anyone catch gonorrhea?
In real life, the results of the dating apps are less benign than advertised. According to a 2020 Pew Research Center study, many women report being sexually harassed at the dating sites. The study says, “57% of women between age 18 and 34 said they’d received sexually explicit messages or images they hadn’t asked for at the dating app sites.”
And a study at NIH (the National Institute of Health) reports that dating apps can cause depression and anxiety..
The majority of the population are reliant on dating apps to meet prospective partner, and such apps are having an impact on their mental health; these factors may very well make this into a public health concern. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s Household Pulse Survey estimates that depression and anxiety are now affecting 34.2% of the population, making them the two most common mental health disorders in the United States, and to some extent, the increased numbers have been associated with dating app use.
Of course I wonder about the validity of these studies. Does “the majority of the population” actually rely on dating apps? What does that meant?

But let’s hope that there is still the possibility of a “meet cute.” We all want to be Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail. (In fact, I think I will watch it tomorrow.) I also recommend the poet and editor Jill Bialosky’s brilliant book, Poetry Will Save Your Life. In one chapter, she writes about the difficulties of meeting men in New York when she was in her late twenties. And then she attended her high school reunion and met her dream man, an old friend. They fell in love and married, and presumably lived happily ever after.
Meanwhile, don’t expect too much of the internet. I recommend that you turn to Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. Mr. Collins may be wrong for Elizabeth Bennet, but he is an okay match for her friend Charlotte, who wants to leave home and have her own house. Charlotte is in her late 20s and her expiration date is near. Fortunately, women no longer have an expiration date.
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“No one dies from reading a book,” she said.

