My first Zoom meeting was fun but nerve-racking.

That’s because I worried about what to wear.

“Everybody Zooms. They’ll only see your top,” a friend explained.

Nonetheless, I felt a certain anxiety.

And so I had a checklist. POSSIBLE ZOOM GARB. Glamorous black sweater and black jeans. Were any of my sweaters glamorous?

Perhaps I would look like a poet, perhaps like a nun. I aimed for the poetic, but definitely was in the nun zone. Dark glasses might have helped, but I settled for nerdy goggle-like specs THAT MAKE ME LOOK SMART.

As for jewelry, I had few choices:

• a silver necklace with a broken clasp,
• a heavy polymer clay cat brooch that always falls off,
• a candy-colored bead necklace Mom made in a Crafts class and begged me never to wear.

Well, I have my wedding ring.

Then I took some appalling selfies to see how I would look on Zoom. Good God! Why was my hair sticking out on one side? I riffled through a drawer for scissors and cut off the offending lock.

Then there was the makeup problem. I never wear it. I have one very old lipstick, which seems to have expired. Does lipstick expire? Anyway, it seemed a very odd color. I can’t believe it used to be that color. I do have two tubes of Chapstick, though. That would have to do.

It was far too late to have plastic surgery. Wow, time is unkind. And the wrinkle cream never reduced a single wrinkle. (N.B. There must be better wrinkle cream.)

At the Zoom meeting, some people were dressed up, while others were very casual. I breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn’t the only dowdy one there. Not that I thought anybody was dowdy, mind. But it was a relief to see that no one was a movie star. If they were, they were ex-movie stars!

So Zoom on, gals. I’ve figured out my wardrobe. We’re just a lot of women sitting in our kitchens.