Mr. Nemo and I were looking at birthday cards. Looking, looking, looking… and we couldn’t find the right number.
Happy 30th Birthday! Done that. Happy 40th Birthday! I admit to that. But where do all the numbers go? Are we like Jack Benny, who said he was forever 39?
Now that’s funny.
I love my birthday, though I’m a bit melancholy about this one. Whoever heard of this number? It wasn’t in my times table, was it? Well, I do have several rules that are guaranteed to make your birthday happier if you’re approaching a special birthday.
RULES FOR A BIG BIRTHDAY
1. Do not look in the mirror for more than one minute a day.
2. Never look in a vanity mirror with bulbs around the edge.
3. Don’t diet on your birthday. You need a great dessert. One year it may be your favorite vanilla cake, the next chocolate chip cookies, the next a champagne cake from the bakery… Enjoy!
AND HERE’S A DETAILED BIRTHDAY SCHEDULE.
7:30 a.m. The birds wake you up. Or maybe it’s the neighbors. Very hard to tell at this hour. But you know Mr. Nemo is waiting to give you presents. GET OUT OF BED!
7:35 a.m. Do your wash-and-moisturizer routine. Comb your hair. Look in the mirror for a second if you dare. I don’t recommend it.
7:45 a.m. Put on age-appropriate informal clothing suitable for shopping later. Suggestion: cropped pants and any top you really like. Mom said, “Do not wear shorts. After a certain age, the knees…” Possibly unwise to wear sandals, too, though Mom wore those with nylons! I recommend sneakers.
8 a.m. Breakfast with Mr. Nemo. Read the newspaper, but skip the news and go straight to the life-style section. It’s your birthday and you may want to change your life-style before it’s too late. You don’t want to read any bad news.
10 a.m. Naturally, you have gift cards. Go buy stuff.
12 p.m. You come home with stuff. Mostly readable or wearable stuff. By wearable, I mean sunglasses and a messenger bag,
1 p.m. Recommended movie diptych: The More the Merrier (1943), with the brilliant comic actors, Jean Arthur, Joel McCrea, and Charles Coburn, and the remake, Walk, Don’t Run (1965), starring Cary Grant, Jim Hutton, and Samantha Eggar.
5 p.m. Chortle over book group’s e-card. They suggest that you read something “steamy” to celebrate. Nothing comes to mind except Jane Austen and Georgette Heyer, so clearly you are living in the wrong house. Does Diana Gabaldon count?
Witty post, much enjoyed. On another topic: received an email regarding your tribute to Tony, whose blog will be much missed. The link, however, didn’t work, nor was I able to leave a comment (this has happened before with your blog). The problem could, of course, be on my end, although I haven’t run into anything comparable with the other blogs I read. Just thought I’d mention it.