Tag Archives: coffee

Notes on Self-Checkout: Chocolate & Coffee

 It’s 8 a.m.  I won’t lie:  I seldom get up this early. If I’m up at 8:00, I’m reading science fiction or Jane Austen (there are similarities) while the coffee brews.  Only today it won’t brew:  the machine keeps flashing the CLEAN sign, and  I can’t face the odor of the vinegar rinse.

I’ll do it tomorrow.

I head to the coffee house.

8:15:  It is a long, long line. Some people are jovial, chirping about their plans for the Fourth of July.  I stand in line reading a review of the new Planet of the Apes movie.  Finally I order my epic coffee and find a chair outside. I read an editorial on the presidential debate, which I did not see and which journalists are taking too seriously (because how many people watched it?), when a guy looks at my purse and says, “Military issue, right?”

Gosh, should I be flattered or spooked? I am filled with gloom. “I bought it at Target,” I say.  I’m wearing scrubs (a gift from a doctor’s wife) so hoped I’d be mistaken for a doctor, but, no, my bag gives me a MILITARY look.

After the trauma of hearing “military issue” applied to my purse, I feel a need for decadent chocolate.  If I breakfast on chocolate, ALL WILL BE WELL. I rush to the drugstore, seeking solace in the cookie aisle. It’s not a controlled substance, but it is known as “junk” food, so I prefer to buy it at the self checkout.

Unfortunately the self-checkout lane is closed.

Well, it’s better to interact with people anyway. The cashiers will lose their jobs if everyone prefers self-checkout.  As I stand in line and see what others are buying, I don’t feel bad about the chocolate at all. It’s practically health food. It’s holiday food.

Happy Fourth of July!

Coffee,Tea, or Me? Travels on Caffeine

Coffee, Tea, or Me? was the title of  a 1960s humor book purportedly written by stewardesses.  I glimpsed it on the book rack at Woolworth’s and thought it hilarious. (I was in elementary school.) I was in a phase where it took little to make me laugh. I begged for a  t-shirt with  the slogan: I LOVE MY JOB, IT’S THE WORK I HATE. Okay, okay, Mom gave in.  That kind of humor appeals to a demographic that does not have jobs.

I remember the title, Coffee, Tea, or Me? when I order at at a coffeehouse.  Shall I splurge on a latte or mocha?  “Hot or cold?” they ask tonelessly.  Hot, always. Medium, please. I also love tea, so why have I never tried a tea or is it a chai latte? 

When the first Starbucks opened in Des Moines in 2002, Jay Leno joked about it in his monologue.  He said that Des Moines  was the last city in the country to get a Starbucks. “That’s a source of pride more likely, Jay,” I said when I read it in a magazine.

At the end of the 20th century, economists warned that Starbucks would put the indies out of business.  On the contrary, independent coffeehouses thrive, or so it seems in my travels.  Starbucks and the Minnesota-based Caribou dominate in the U.S., but there are also many quieter indie coffeehouses with a less obvious presence.  Those are the coffeehouses the locals know about. They’re the not-so-secret caffeinated small businesses.

One day I was in line at Starbucks and a desperate woman started babbling. “I just moved here from California. I say I can live anywhere if there’s Starbucks and Target.”

“I know what you mean.” And believe me, I did. I would have added Borders to the list, but it soon went out of business.

In London they have Starbucks, Caffe Nero, and Costa.   None of these serve American coffee. You have to order a flat white or a latte. Do not, I repeat, do not order the Americano, which tastes like coal dipped in water. 

And that’s why I cannot move to the UK.  They don’t have the right kind of Starbucks. It’s a faux Starbucks. Starbucks is about coffee, right? If Starbucks does not have coffee, it’s not a Starbucks. And that’s why I sigh with relief when I find Starbucks at an airport in the U.S. Coffee! I’m home. I don’t care if it’s New York, South Carolina, or Texas. All Starbucks are created equal, and all the coffee is good. I pledge my allegiance to… No, that’s going too far.

A Travel Quote from Alison Lurie’s “Foreign Affairs” & My Travel Tips

Alison Lurie

In Alison Lurie’s Pulitzer Prize-winning novel, Foreign Affairs (1984), two English professors at Corinth University have research grants to travel to England. Fred, a handsome young man – so handsome that he can barely hold off the infatuated women students – has just broken up with his wife, Roo, and is mourning. On the other hand, Vinnie, his brilliant, plain, much older colleague, has friends in England and an active social  life. Though she does not particularly like Fred, she feels obligated to invite him to a cocktail party, where an English actress picks him up and sweeps him off in a whirlwind of parties. But Vinnie is the more interesting character of the two Americans, and her musings on “foreign sounds” will resonate with travelers.

But hearing in the full sense is blocked.  Intelligible foreign sounds are limited to the voices of waiters, shopkeepers, professional guides, and hotel clerks – plus snatches of dubiously ‘native music.’  Even in Britain, accent intonation and vocabulary are often unfamiliar; tourists do not recognize many of the noises they hear, and then speak mostly to functionaries.

Has anyone ever said this better than Alison Lurie? My conversations abroad tend to be with people in the hospitality industry, who come from countries all over the world. A maid and I had to do pantomime when I needed help unfolding the ironing board. Alas, she could not figure it out, either. We agreed, with much eye-rolling, that the ironing board was useless. “What crap!” I said cheerfully.

When I tired of “hospitality” English, I headed to Harrods or any shop at all. American English and English English are not that different, and it is comforting to hear it.

The biggest problem: you cannot get coffee. The coffeehouses try to sell you a ghastly espresso drink called an Americano. Under no circumstances should you drink it. Order a latte or cappuccino instead. Or tea. Or anything at all.

Avoid the Americano.

Losing It!  A Bibliophile and Her Coffee

I took a brisk walk in the slush.  My motto in winter is:  Worse is on the way, so get out while you can. 

I happened, by accident, of course, with no intention of reading, skimming, buying, perusing, and did I say buying?, to walk to a bookstore.

The bookstore coffee is awful, though, so I stopped at a coffee shop.  And here’s the first sign I was losing it: I PICKED UP THE WRONG COFFEE DRINK.  

It was so bad, I almost spat it out.  Who, I wondered, would order coffee sickeningly sweetened with artificial syrup?  I drink mine black. I take it seriously.  That’s how it’s done. Halfway down the street, I threw it in the trash. 

Fortunately, the atmosphere at the bookstore made me mellow. If you’re a bibliophile, it is a bit like going to an opium den, or perhaps that’s the wrong simile, since I was in my right mind–sort of–but I’m also a biblio-addict.  The issue in a bookstore, as always, is:  Should I buy a book? Well,  I have resolved to buy no books at all in 2020.  But who takes that seriously?

My goodness, there are so many books I’d love to read.  There’s the  new Isabel Allende.  There is The Colours by Robyn Cadwallader, author of The Anchoress, which I loved.  Then there is Amina Cain’s Indelicacy, the selection for a New York Times Text Book Club.  I also flipped through Clare Pooley’s The Authenticity Project, because the cover told me it is very light, but it looked a little, well, sentimental.  

 My husband is so enthralled by my resolution he actually thinks I’ll use the library!  But of course I did buy something.  And I was so absorbed in it on the bus that I got off at the wrong stop.

And on the long(er) walk home, I slipped on an unshoveled sidewalk, and I caught myself talking to myself.  Whining about the weather OUT LOUD in public.

Yes, I am definitely losing it.

Double Vision: Vacationing in One’s Hometown

College_Green_Park_Gazebo

College Green Park in Iowa City

I spent a few days in Iowa City, my hometown.  I did some research at the University of Iowa Library.  And I also took long walks around town.

Nostalgia was laced with Zola-like naturalistic observations as I contemplated the monstrous greed of developers who have destroyed whole blocks of graceful old houses and replaced them with cheap apartment houses.

And that’s why you can’t go home again.  It’s like having double vision:  seeing everything twice through optometrists’ lenses.

At first it was blissful.

Iowa City is pleasantly deserted in May, because the students are gone, and you have the place to yourself . You do not have to stand in line for an American Gothic coffee at Java House. You nip up the hill to College Green Park to sip your coffee and read Barbara Pym’s An Unsuitable Attachment, an eminently suitable vacation novel, peopled by Pym’s diffident, eccentric characters:  Ianthe Broome, a librarian, who  has “an unsuitable attachment” to a  younger man; Sophia, a vicar’s wife, who is obsessed with her cat, Faustina; and Rupert Stonebird, an anthropologist, who can’t decide if he is more  attracted to Penelope,  whom he calls”the pre-Raphaelite beat-nik,”and to Ianthe, who is “more suitable.”

an unsuitable attachment pymIn the days when College Green Park was called College Street Park (why the change?), I often sat on the swings or picnicked on takeout from the Pioneer Food Co-op.  It is the same mellow space it always was, except now it has a new gazebo.

After leaving the Park, I headed over to Washington Street and down the hill to the University of Iowa Library.  This is a real library–with tens of thousands of old books.   I found a table by the window in the eerily dark literature and language stacks, and arranged my crisp new notebook, British Library pen, and backup hotel pen. And so began the reading and note-taking.

mail and female sarah lindheim ovidSo many books, some great, some terrible.  I quickly flashed back to grad school  techniques and recalled the unscholarly habit of judging books by the  title.  Yes, why not?  One needs a whimsical sorting system among so many unpromising dull books.   Not surprisingly, Sarah Lindheim’s Mail and Female: Epistolary Narrative and Desire in Ovid’s Heroides, is clever and amusing:  the title even  echoes You’ve Got Mail, the Nora Ephron movie.  Lindheim is such a smart, amusing writer that I can’t help but think the allusion was deliberate.  And the book is a fascinating analysis of Ovid’s Heroides, a collection of elegiac epistles written from mythological heroines to their lovers and husbands.  On the other hand, I struck out with A Web of Fantasies: Gaze, Image, and Gender in Ovid’s Metamorphoses, by Patricia B. Slazman-Mitchell.  It’s best to avoid books with “gender” in the title, I decided.

HickoryHillParkVI

Hickory Hill Park

After a morning at the library, I did a lot of walking.  I do recommend visiting Hickory Hill Park, 190 acres of woods, meadows, creek, etc.  I used to know  the park well, but they have bought more land,  built more trails, and have deliberately revamped others so you go nowhere near the gap in the fence that led into Oakland Cemetery and was a shortcut home.  The large open meadow is now confusingly planted with trees, while  another open meadow (which I mistook for the old one) still has that Andrew Wyeth look that makes you want to plop down in the sun. (I got sunburn.)   A deer and I came face to face when I stumbled on a remote muddy trail, which perhaps was not even a human trail.   Yes, I did get lost, but eventually found an exit that led  to Dodge Street.  Wow, I need to start a  five-miles-a-day walking regimen, because I could feel this in my legs!  My husband looked it up and said it was eight miles as the crow flies.

Iowa City is home of the Iowa Writers’ Workshop, and in 2008 was named a UNESCO City of Books. We were always vaguely proud of the Workshop, where Flannery O’Connor, Philip Roth, Kurt Vonnegut, Gail Godwin, John Cheever, Frank Conroy, Marvin Bell, Marilynne Robinson, T. C. Boyle, Karen E. Bender,  Margot Livesey, and many other brilliant writers have studied or taught.

The Iowa Writers’ Workshop, however, is NOT a haven for Iowa writers.  The only Workshop alumna I can think of from Iowa is Elizabeth Evans.  No, these geniuses come from New York, California, occasionally Grosse Point, Michigan. The name “Iowa Writers’ Workshop” is an oxymoron.  I’m not suggesting a name change–I’m all for tradition!–but there is a certain irony.

Iowa City has always been bookish, but nowadays has trouble supporting bookstores, despite the UNESCO status.  Prairie Lights, a two-story bookstore established in the late ’70s,  is still magnificent,  and has a stunning selection of new books and a good selection of classics, but the number of books seems slightly smaller than it used to be.  Prairie Lights also sponsors readings,  though  fewer big names come through on tour these days.  Mostly the readings are by Workshop writers now.

There are only a couple of other bookstores left in Iowa City.  Around the block from Prairie Lights is Iowa Book, which used to be called Iowa Book and Supply (or Iowa Book and Crook).  To say I was shocked that the store now has only a few shelves of remainders is an understatement. It always made most its money from t-shirts and sweatshirts, but now that is the entire business.

As for used bookstores,  I am not a fan of The Haunted Bookshop, where a cat once attacked me.  The bookstore clerks apologized, but as  a longtime “cat mom” in a multi-cat household,  I assure you this is unusual cat behavior.  And, honestly, the condition of the books at The Haunted Bookshop is often barely “acceptable.”  I miss Martha the cat at Murphy-Brookfield, a truly great bookstore that, alas, folded a few years ago. The Haunted Bookshop is now located in the old Murphy-Brookfield building.

There are many restaurants in Iowa City.  The pedestrian downtown lost its department stores  years ago and is now a center of restaurants and bars.   The best food I found?  The vegetarian sandwich at the University Library’s cafe.  Honestly, I lived on those.  But you won’t go hungry.

CAVEAT:  Iowa City is larger than it used to be, and if you are a woman alone, do be careful. It’s hard to take Iowa City seriously as a city because it seems so quaint, but things change, and I was too casual in the evening.  Iowa City has a homeless problem, or so I’d read in The Press Citizen, without taking it seriously.  I scoffed, until I went to CVS at the Old Capitol Mall around 5 p.m., and had to thread my way through crowds of homeless men  out of Dickens’s Oliver Twist. No, it wasn’t Little Dorrit or  the Father of the Marshalsea.  And I’m not anti-homeless, but they’re destitute and often off their meds.  I am talking about safety.  I also had not considered the risks of studying at the library at night.  During the day, there are people working upstairs, but at night the stacks were deserted.  I skedaddled out of there.

PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR SURROUNDINGS.  IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE , LEAVE.

Yup, I couldn’t face it that Iowa City is a real city now.

Overall, a lovely trip, and it can be fun to visit your hometown.  Just don’t stay too long!

À la Caffeine: Editing Pulp Science Fiction

“Why did I say I’d do this?” I wondered as I sipped a soy latte at  À la Caffeine.

À la  Caffeine is the chic coffee boutique for itinerant writers in our uncharted provincial city.  Managed by a library school dropout who has posted  “Shh” signs on the wall, it is a nearly silent cafe.

“Shh” isn’t everybody’s favorite word.  And so the clientele tend to be Renaissance Fair organizers designing Celtic Clan flyers, nervous Ph.D. students writing snappy dissertations on Sexuality in  Small Towns in Willa Cather’s Later Fiction, and freelancers desperately polishing reviews of “The Ten Best Homeless Shelters in Town”–for the alternative paper.

I often write such things myself, but today I’m editing a pulp SF novel about a race of “Uplifted” animals– animals who are biologically modified in labs to have human intelligence.

I am doing this as a favor for an editor friend who is  forced to publish this thing.

Wow!  This is ineffably bad.   I asked in an email,  “Did you know the hero is a  lemur whose ancestors are   blue ponies?”

She wrote, “Yeah.  Delete ALL adjectives and adverbs and cut to 30,000 words. Then we hide it in an anthology, submit it for an SF novella prize, and call it done.”

But where to start?  Here is the astonishing first  paragraph.

And so it came to be that Hal the Lemur flew through the tall green  trees of Madagascar Not-on-Earth  on the morning that Mam was attacked by the Madagascar Hawk. Hal bravely fought it. His Mam was not alive…not dead.  He could get help  from the  blue Ponies who’d trained him in Rhetoric and Medicine. And then he saw the Pony Ship was gone. Gone through space……time was a concept…time and space beyond Ponies beyond Earth…beyond…and he was alone.

But will it win the novella prize?

I’ll have another soy latte.